Need A Laugh?

Need to laugh?  Maybe these will help…  Enjoy! 🙂

 

—  I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

—  The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.

—  We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

—  Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

—  How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

—  Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

—  I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

—  You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

—  You’re never too old to learn something stupid.

—  Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

—  Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.

—  Some people are like Slinkies … not really good for anything, but you can’t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.